What should we talk about before the baby comes?
Short answer
Before the baby comes, talk openly about five areas that can change daily life: leave from work, nights, money, visitors and household roles. You do not need every detail decided. The useful goal is to understand each other, make a first plan, and know what you can change later.
Becoming parents changes everyday life for both of you. Heilsuvera describes pregnancy as a time of major emotional, social, financial and physical changes that require adjustment. These new circumstances can affect how couples communicate, and some couples find the changes easier to handle than others.
Leave from work is worth discussing early. In Iceland, each parent can have an independent right to six months of fæðingarorlof (maternity and paternity leave), with up to six weeks of that right transferable to the other parent. The leave can be divided into periods or taken with a reduced working percentage when this is agreed with the employer. You can start planning by talking about how each of you would like to spend time at home and how that fits with work.
The first months can also change how you share nights and care. Your exact routine will depend on your baby and your family. Before the birth, talk about how you want to share the practical work when one of you has had a difficult night. Include feeding, settling the baby, washing, food, shopping and other everyday tasks. A useful plan is one that can change when you see what your baby and both parents actually need.
Money is another conversation to have before the birth. Pregnancy can bring financial changes, and Icelandic official information confirms that payments during fæðingarorlof can be affected by income changes, employer payments and changes to the planned leave period. The current payment information says the monthly payment is based on average total wages over the relevant reference period and can be affected by other payments. Look at your expected income during leave together rather than assuming that both parents will have the same situation.
Visitors are easier to manage when you have discussed them beforehand. Landspítali advises that visits around birth should be arranged with the parents and that visits can be limited. The hospital also says that visits during labour and the first hours after birth are not desirable, while the arrangements after that depend on the ward. Before birth, agree who you would like to see, when you would like visits, and how either of you can say that you need quiet time.
Household roles can change without either person choosing the change. Heilsuvera notes that pregnancy can affect a couple's communication and that interests may turn more towards the inside of the relationship. This is a good reason to talk about what each of you expects from the other. Do not limit the conversation to baby care. Include cooking, cleaning, shopping, appointments, communication with family and the work that is easy to overlook.
Different expectations are normal. Heilsuvera says that expecting parents can have a mixture of joy, worry, anxiety, satisfaction and anticipation. Doubts about being ready for parenthood or about whether the timing is right can also occur. Parents do not always have the same thoughts or feelings, so the aim is not to make yourselves feel the same. The useful step is to talk about what each person needs and expects.
Talking together can also help with birth preparation. Heilsuvera recommends that expecting parents discuss their wellbeing, expectations and wishes. Pregnancy care gives you an opportunity to ask questions and discuss these things with a midwife, and a separate appointment can be available when more discussion is needed. You can use these conversations to agree on what support would help during birth and afterwards.
A simple plan can reduce pressure. Write down the decisions you already agree on, the questions you still have, and the things you will decide later. Keep the plan flexible. Your first arrangement does not have to become a permanent division of work. The important part is that both parents know what has been discussed and can ask for a change when circumstances change.
Ask for professional support when the situation is affecting daily life. Heilsuvera says that occasional low mood and emotional changes can be normal during pregnancy, but if difficult feelings last for a long time and affect daily life, you should seek help from a midwife or doctor. If you have strong worries about birth, pregnancy care is also a place to discuss your feelings, wishes and expectations.
Icelandic words in this guide
- Fæðingarorlof — Parental Leave
- Heilsuvera — National Health Portal
What you need to do
- 1Compare your plans for parental leave.
- 2Discuss how you might share nights and everyday care.
- 3Review your expected income and household costs.
- 4Agree how you want to handle visitors.
- 5Share expectations about household and parenting roles.
- 6Write down questions for your midwife or doctor.
Questions parents ask
Do both parents need to take leave at the same time?
How can we decide who does what at home?
What if we have different expectations?
Can we limit visitors after the birth?
This guide is general information, not advice about your situation. Rules, costs and deadlines change — check the official source before you act on it.
Vagga is an informational planning assistant. It does not replace official government, healthcare, legal, financial, or medical advice. Always confirm deadlines and requirements with the relevant Icelandic authority or professional. Learn more →